Beautiful People have such hard times in life

Well well well, if it isnt me, randall tuhchie. GREETINGS AOL! I know, you all have been yearning for more randall, but life these days has been hard with my new job at Hardees, GET IT? HARD AT HARDEES? Oh dang, I knewed it made you laff.

Anyway, like I was saying I have been so busy cleaning up potty in the ball pit and rinsing out the rags in the some bucket labeled milkshakes(sp?), but the worst of all has been dealing with the some of the employees? Why is it that only beautiful ladies work at hardees? I mean, I walked in there te first day and I could hardly believe my one non-pink eye. It was like I had died an gone to heavens gate.

Now I know hat you think old randall is a lady charmer, but I have to disagree with that thought only because most women ugly or not whisper things to me like, "hey randall, some kid pooped in the urinal" or "Jesus Randall, use a rag in the urinal." When I try to talk back to them, they walk away or tell me to get out of the bushes and put my hands behind my head and lay on the ground (hard to get).

What's really weird about working at a place with some many beautiful women like hardees is that most of these people want to hang out with me Randall Tuhchie. Take, for instant, the hotty pictured above, Chris. What a looker. and you know what AOL? That lady and I did something that I only imagined my parents doing in the kitchen when I'm hiding in the pantry. She made randall into the man you see type before you. Now it's true that I had others before, but none that knewed a man's body so well. Now i know what your thinking and it's not just some wham bam thank you man thing kind of night... she really likes me too. Which is good cause with all these empty mcdonalds bags around the house, this place could really use a woman's touch. Now, being the gentleman I am, I dont kiss and tell without telling you from the beginning how I caught this sexual trout (slang for "hotty with a body").

Two days ago, I went in for my orientation, learning how to make what my manager calls the perfect "bacon ranch fries", when Chris, who was taking out the old fry grease 55 gallon barrel with one arm asked me if I could open the door for her. Well, before I could even say, "you are so sensual..." she kicked open the back door herself with a steel toed Doc Martin and said ever so sweetly, "you deaf you fucking retard?" I tell you what AOL, shakespear himself couldnt has written cliff notes better. My heart raced and I knewed that this troll face (slang for person who waits under bridges to steal someone's heart. i.e. homeless killer). "Well", I thought to myself, "heaven must be sad tonight cause this angel has certainly taken a rascall down the love elevator and into my heart". For the second I saw her, i knewed she would be mine.

My boss Skippy, some teenage punk who spends most of his time on his nokia blabbing about how he promises his GF that he will remove his work clothes before he gets into bed (as to not transfer the Au Jus smell onto the day bed), was fixing up a mean batch of chili for the chilie cheese burger. Well, he told Chris to "go watch over the new retard" (must be some handicapped to work program), and before I knewed it, Chris was helping me fill the ketchup bottles. Oh man, the way her veiney palms clutched the ketchup squeeze bottles made me thirst for a tall drink of chris. well, AOL, I knew I had only seconds to act, so I remembered what my dad said to me as a you boy and asked Chris on a date. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "how much for a BJ(Beautiful Jaunt, possibly through a park or bowling alley)"? Well, she looked at me, raised a half inch thick eyebrow and said, "meet me after work at your place".

My gosh, my heart raced, for one fleeting second as she turned her thick V-shaped upper torso around I felt a wash over me of complete bliss. It was only rudely interupted by Skippy asking my to go hydrate more onions for the six dollar thick burger. The world might be calling my my hands to work for a $7.40 and hour, but my mind, my body, and my soul were given up to Chris. Beautiful, Beautiful, Chris. She was like a burlap sack of Anacondas, writhing under her yellow and red smock. She had won over my Hardees Thick Burger (slang for heart), for sure.

I watched the clock in anticipation and as soon as 11:00pm, I threw down my tray of burgers to be tured into chilli for tomorrow and ran out the door. Skippy yeled something about being flyered, but i payed no attention to it as I grabbed my BMX bike and raced home.

I had no sooner lit some candels, flushed the toilet, and set up my playststion (resident evil), when the doorbell rang. It was Chris, and boy was she looking hot in her red and yellow smock and ranch french fry perfume.

"mmmm" I said, "I want to serve you on the dollar menu all week."

She giggled, "punch me in the shoulder" (ouch) and walked inside.

We sat on the carpet remnetns as I unpaused resident evil (know all the hidden object) when I went for the gold and tried to smooch her. She tenderly placed a hairy palm on my face and said the sweetest things I have ever heard a woman say to another human, "hey buddy, cash first". I know she makes more than me at Hardees, but I assume she just wanted some cash for gas, like any fine lady would. I opened up my hello kitty wallet and grabbed the six dollars and mountain dew "buy one get one free" cap I had won earlier in the week. Well, my act of kindness must have paid off because not more than 30 seconds after letting out a big sigh, she was showing me something she called her "9 inch clitortise". Well, this is the part, i will leave up to you AOL, but I must say, she really knew how to treat a man.

3 minutes later I didnt have a care in the world, for I knew that Chris (hotty) and my Peach mango snapple were all I needed at that moment.

Then it hit me, i knew I had to ask, "chris", I said, "why is all the beautiful people in the world have such a hard life". She giggled, punched my in the arm (broken) and said, "randall, you got a lot to lean about life".

She was right, i did have a lot to learn. After she drove her 4X4 with gun rack home, I thought to myself, "I do, I do have a lot to learn". I, randall tuhchie do have a lot to learn about life, women, work, and AOL friends. That's where you cme in. As I learn all about life, I am going to share it with love. For now i leave you with Chris' last words to me, "Randall, is that cat dead?"

Aol, i ask you... "is it"?

"thank you for getting to know me over this media" -randall tuhchie