Ask Randall (*Updated August 12th)

Hello my fellow AOLers,
It's me, you favorite Blogger Randall Tuhchie. You know what? Everday I open my AOL gmail and am amazed at the tens of questions I get everyday from people all over the ethercord. Well, I am here to tell you that I, randall harry tuhchie, am here to answer you're questions. All you have to do is simply submit your questions via AOL gmail to me randall (dot) tuhchie (at) gmail (dot) com and I will get to your questions as soon as I can.
I know what you are thinking, "Hey randall, nice sweater you fucking creep." Well let me tell you that I have had many years of experience of cort ordered therapy and other miscellaneous supervised counseling sessions. As a patient, I have learned all the tricks of the trade and I can weasel out of any situation. Please note that in all honestly there is nothing you can tell me that will weird me out, or make me call the cops under any circumstances. My only request is that you treat me this way too.
Lastly, I want to mention that it it also important to note that your submissions are completely disguised, you name given an acronym that describes your situation, and you name will not be revealed at anytime... unless it is something funny like you farted and burped at the same time (a golden apple) or fell asleep during Schindlers list. classic comedy. TOO MUCH HOOCH AND NATURES MIRACLE (full of natural enzymes), BEEN THERE DONE THAT!
So thank you in advance,

"thank you for getting to know me over this media" - ask randall tuhchie

Mary Roberston of 1672 NE Glammen St, Portland OR 97211 wrote:

"hey randy,

GUESS WHAT? YOU ARE A FUCKING INSANE CREEP AND IF YOU DONT STOP EMAILING AND CALLING ME, MY BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU"

Most Anxious Reply Yearns Repeatedly On Beating Ears, Randall, Thou Sexual O' Nightingale

M.A.R.Y.R.O.B.E.R.T.S.O.N.,

Let me first start by calming your actions of being thrust into rage. Do you often experience these notions of anger? Have you ever drawn a pee pee with the use of alpha numeric characters? 8=====D~~~ yes, I see.
What you are experiencing is something that we all go through. It's perfectly normal. While one might think of oneself as in between two worlds, the good you and the bad you, I like to tell people to think of themselves as the sort of garden of all different vegetables. You know? It's sort of fun to imagine. Over here we have a little rutabaga, over here we have a little Elvis Costello, and over here we have some baby clothes. You see what I mean?
Now I noticed in your question, you mentioned "my boyfriend". "My boyfriend". What does that phrase mean to you? Let me see if I can help illuminate on this subject. In your question you keep saying "my boyfriend" so much, it makes my my head start to stare at your beautiful, beautiful feet. Let's look at the relationship of just that sentence. Do you feel like there is some ownership here? Do you feel like you are the one in control of the relationship? How well do you Nicholas Hokly of 4338 NE 35th Ave, Portland OR http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=4338+NE+35th+Ave,+Portland,+OR&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=40.681389,67.763672&ie=UTF8&ll=45.554343,-122.628622&spn=0.008805,0.016544&t=h&z=16&iwloc=A&layer=c&cbll=45.554252,-122.628643&panoid=jQ3bu_20W-1l-Ezg7kV3zg&cbp=12,89.25,,0,7.57 Good enough to know that he's no good to you? Good enough to know that he flirst with other women at his place of work? Good enough to KNOW THAT THE F*CKING A**HOLE KEEPS PUSHING ME DOWN AND KEEPS SAYING TO ME THAT I WANT TO EAT HIS BUGGERS!!!! WELL, I DONT WANT TO AND I HATE YOU NICK! I HATE YOU! YOU AINT NO GOOD FOR MARY!

Does that help? Thanks so much. Oh no, I only accept payment before the counseling session.

Randall

"Hey Randall,

This is Jim from work. I know you just started here at Hardees, and I want to be square with you by saying that no one is accusing you of anything. However, upon leaving the employee break room yesterday, a fellow employee noticed that here were some very inappropriate web pages left on the employee computer. While it is ok to use the computer during employee break time, I want to remind you that we abide by an employee conduct code that forbids the viewing of this material on company time. Does that sound ok? I hope so. Thanks randall, see you tomorrow."

Cant Understand Managers Speak On Company Knowledge

Dear C.U.M.S.O.C.K.

What you bring up is no new topic to the world of manager/employee relations, infact many people find themselves in this situation everyday. Lets first start of by addressing your need to blame other for the things you obviously did. What kind of sick f*ck does this? As a professional counselor, I can honestly say you need to stop looking at horse porn at work. Does that help? I hope so.

Randall

"Randy,

did you pee in the icecube tray again? I hates it when you do that. You know I need to fill up my water bottle with ice cubes. I dont wanna never drink your pee again? OKAY?"

Person Eagerly Posts Personal Email, Randall

P.E.P.P.E.R.

My apologies for not getting to this email earlier. Would you like to come over to my house for dinner and watch "dating in the Dark"? All entrees will be gluten, dairy, egg, rice, sulfate, and glutamate free. After the meal there will be an honesty circle, followed by a healing dance (wear something light and flowing). Breakaway co-counseling sessions will start at seven.

This is a shoeless event,
Namaste.

(* Updated August 12th)

Randall.

You ever seent a man die?

Lady.troubles

Thank you for the AOL gmail lady.troubles,

I have never seen a man die, but I have made love to a "real" woman. I imagine it may be the same thing. Does that help? I hope it does.

thanks for the letter,

randall

Well folks, that is all for today, feel free to AOL gmail me and have your question posted on ask randall.