Hello Aol,
well well well, if it isnt your favoritist pal randall tuhchie. You know, a lot of people have been wondering where i have been lately. They say things like, "hey randall, stop eating out of the recycling bin", or "credit or debit mr. randall? Do you want me to sex you right here on this counter?" Well, you know, I get busy from time to time, AND I CANT ALWAYS F&$KING BLOG ABOUT THINGS OKAY?
Like the other day when I was ringing out the plastic man snakes in peppers trashcan for help with her her employer sex scandall, or as she calls it "That fetal alcohol syndrom looking assfuck shoulda gave me a raise". I mean, AOL, I was thinking, "dang this is so important, that i gots to write it down on my AOL blog." We'll, like always, one thing lead to another and before you know it, I was laying in bed with pepper, smoking a homosexual (term for cigarette). We'll I couldnt just leave my cousin right then and there in her most tender of moments. So, while my randall brain thought I should rip off the "sega genesis presents ecco the dolphin" promotional blanket, body randall knewed better than to leave pepper.
So, there you have it AOL, to answer your question, I guess I prefer to cut a larger hole in my whitey tighties to make it easier to peep peep with my pants still on.
Anyway, I was thinking, I have been meaning to get back to my sex and the sity AOL friends. You know, if you are like me and watch tv practically every moment of your life (cept for those days when I am hiding from the landlord), then you probabbly noticed how much sex and violence are on tv. And if you you arent cleaning the kleenex off the floor and washing your hands when the sex and violence ends, you might notice these things called comercials. Well, in a cap-of-the-list society we really wants people to buy things like easy choppo's for garlic, baldo spray for the hairless, and amigo scooters for retards and fatties. So sometimes during a "comerical break" there will be abatisements for these things. Sometimes they are funny, and sometimes they are sad, and sometimes they make me confused like "So much for the mexicans stealing all of our good jobs (apple picker and dishwasher at applebees), NOW I GOTTA WORRY ABOUT GECKO'S?" We'll just the other day I sawed an abertisement to vote yes on Measurement 66 and 67. I thoughts "well when my neighbors ballot comes in the mail, I'll be sure to do that".
But then out of the blue, on my way to the drop off the just birthen puppies at the Humane Society, I sawed a sign that said, vote no on measure 66/67. SO NOW I WASED REALLY CONFUSED!
Now lets be honest, both sides of this politickle debate have some really good points. On one side of the KOIN news 6 you have a sad looking child, and on the other, you have a fat hand taking monolopy monies out of a wallet. Both is really good points, I mean on one hand, you gota a sad kid... no kid deservers to not be kissed and told "come one sugar lips lets wrestle under the bed. PIN ME! PIN ME!", and on the other hand no one should take monies out of anyone else's wallet unless they need to buy a super soaker really really bad cause wallmart is having a end-o-summer sale. WHAT F@CKTARD WOULDNT BUY ONE? I stewed it in my randall brain for a long time, and just couldnt come up with answer to this politickle debate.
So I decided to do some investigating. I went to the local library and asked the sweet and kind bag of fucking wrinkles at the circumsizelation desk to "help me with my measurement". We'll low and behold she should have got the librarian of the year award because before I knewed it, 2 police officers were pinning me on the floor and told me to "spead em". I thought, "what a good idea! too long had I rationalized my thoughts into two completely opposing arguments. I needed to spead my ideas out and decide not into "yes" and "no", but to nes and yo... to get a real feel of the middleground."
Well after the cutey Officer pant-lump (term of endearment meaning for muscular in the groin region) let me walk on account of the jail being over-crowed, or as he liked to call it, "pedo's walk free", I decided to take his advice to heart and destroy all evidence I had in the portland strangler case. After that I decided to get a real feel as to how it would effected REAL people. So I grabbed my amigo scooter and super soaker (filled with strawberry and robotussin smoothie from my magic bullet food processor) and hit the streets.
The first person I asked was a homeless man who kept trying to offer me a sock soaked in gas. I said no thank you, I already have two man snake puppets wadded up next to my computer. So I asked him, how are you voting on measurement 66/67. He said, "JeSUS was a crumple-stiltskin" and preceeded to urinate while falling over. Interesting pointsetta. I wrote it down and moved along.
I decided I needed to get a wealthy persons point of view so the next person I interviewed was a older man voltroning a young woman in a bathroom marked, "city consell". Upon asking him about measure 66/67, he replied, "What the, GET THE FUCK... UHHHHHHHHH!" Again, a good point.
Lastly, I decided to hear the voice of the middleclass, so I hit the subarbs and searched for a regular joe 24 fridge pack (cube shaped). There he was at least, toolbox in hand, coming out of his car and walking into his house. As I stood there with his wife and daughters underpants on my head, he hardly let me utter the words, "What do you think of measure 66/67" before he screamed his politickle opinion "YOUR GUNNA DIE YOU FUCKING PERVERT!"
I couldnt believed it, here it was... all the time... the answer to what middle america had to say, "you are going to die you fucking pervert." If this measurment doesnt pass, we will all die, each and every fucking pervert in america.
As me was beating me unconsiously with the back of a stud-finder, I knewed right then and there which way I should vote. I had done my research and admidst all the abertisements and all the hulla-baloon with kids looking sad and fatty hands taking moneis outa wallets, I had come to the answer Oregon Needed. So as my blood soaked hand clutched the mini-golf pencil I stole from put-put game and golf, I cast my vote... "JeSUS was a crumple-stiltskin"
-"thank you for getting to know over this media" -randall tuhchie
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