What is kids into these days?

Hi AOL, it is me, your feind Randall Tuhchie. Soory I havent blogged(slang for when I am not looking at puddingfart.com) in a while. You know, if you are like me and often get your foot caught in the toilet, then you know that you definately have time throughtout the day to think about kids and how fashions come and go. Now I know what you are thinking and, well AOL, you cant just sit on the swigset at your local elementary school all day(helpfull hint, set up survelence camera with real film.) So how does a real person, who works a gureling 12 hours a week, like me have time to learn about all the kids fashions these days. Well, I will tell you what Sex in the sity, you have to really like kids to know just what these kids is into these days. Take for instance the other day. I was cutting off a piece of the AIDS quilt to make a dog blanket for the return of my dog turnip(away at some dog shelter called youth-in-eyes) and I happened to be approached by two kids who very nicely asked me, "what the fuck in gods name did I think I was doing", well, my first instinct was to pretend I was specially handicapped retards. I started "duh"ing and "der"ing, and peeing myself to no avail. they sawed right through it. Well, i said to them, "think fast" and threw my 42oz big gulp at em. well, it's a good thing I had it AOL, cause as soon as it bashed over the little girls head I was running down the street like the time my mommy(dead) told me to run to the neightbors house and call the cops(forgot to call cause was distracted by my friend fava bean playing mickey mousecapades for the Nintendo Entertainment System, GREAT GAME ASS*HOLES!). Well as I was running away from the cops, I happened to duck into an american apparel shop. I musta had all the hottest trends cause everyone was staring at me and you know that I know I am a hot stud. Well, alter i pulled my pants up, i heard heard some teen with smallish breasts say, "who let the tranny in." Well, I must say, I have never been called a tranny(slang for what I can only assume means transitional fashion guru) before. I could feel a surge of energy rush through me. It encapuslated my every move. It was only halted by some punk who said to me, sir, would you please get your crotch off the register?" I mean how rude? If Patrick Swazye's corpse came flapping his gyrating, rotting corpse into the american apparel and asked for change for the bus by pulling out a roll of quarters from his undies, I bet that man wouldnt have said the same thing to him. RACIST!!!!!

Anyway, as I was being led out of the dressing room by the most hamsomest security guard ever, mr. salvio, I came up with some great idea's for just what kids is into these days.

without further ado, I present Randall's guide to just what kids is into these days.

1. Kids love to be adventurous and try on all sorts of clothing. Let them discover what fashion means to them. Place piles of underwear in the living room, and send out invitations that say things like, "for a hot time(heater broken), come watch my kid try on all sorts of panties." Your friends will be sure to head over. dont let them leave with the children. they always try to do that.

2. Dont ever discourage a child from being able to choose their own clothes, for those ealy years are times of great discovery in what it means to be yourself.... unless it's something completely f*cking faggy.

3. Know that at some point, parents and kids(teens) push away from each other and often need room. This stage is crucial for a child to develop leadership roles amongst their peers. Duct tape them to the floor and scream at them that they are going to watch fresh prince of bell air with you as part of family bonding time.

4. Don't be scared that you child may be the envelope pusher you weren't when you were a child. It is imperative that you act in a loving way and truly support their way, no matter how fucking stupid they look bumming change with their crusty dog near pioneer courthouse square.

5. Dinosaurs

6. With all these social networking site these days, it's easy to know what kids are into. Still, no of these compare to good old fecal spoon smooshin.

7. basements. the more locked the better.

8. All of these tests coming our of Harvard and Yale and university of phoenix are no match for good old detective work. No matter how we might try, kids just ARENT into vegetables. If kids wont get into your van for questioning for empirical data such as, "what's hot and what's not", wear a mask(dont let them know you are their parents) and try things like candy, easy cash, or a chance to get back at their boyfriend/girlfriend.

9. It's often noted that one can determine what a child is into these days by determining what they ARE NOT into. It should be noted that a child can survive many days without water.

10. Understand that every child is a temple and deserves the same rights to privacy that you do. These times are especially important to a child and need to be understood. Rightly so, if they are bothering you during your special time, tell them to go them to go the F*CK AWAY AND NOT DISTURB DADDY WHEN HE IS MAKING NOISES IN THE POTTY.

I hope that helps you to just know what kids is into these days. as always, I is your friend Randall Tuhchie and I encourage you to keep looking up(stars).

"thank you for gettin to know me over this media" -randall tuhchie