Saturday, August 14, 2010
To the grabuating summer school class of two-throusand tren
Friday, May 21, 2010
Down but not Gout
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Yoda, Dog Penis, Goodbye Yellow Brick Scrote
Hello again AOL,
I knowed, I knowed. It's been too long my sexy in the sity AOL friends. Sometimes, i think, I should really get back to writing my blog, and other times i think, "... just one more informercial, maybe this next one wont be british." But he makes a good point! I am lazy, you are lazy, we dont like doing the dishes and I hate cleaning up bacon grease.
I knowed, I knowed, you can make all the excuses in the world, but when it comes down to it, you either got it or you dont. Sometimes after a long day of laying at the bottom of the ball pit at the Macky D's (slang for sh!t burger) play palace, breathing out of six bendy straws bent every witch way, and not have a little kiddo step on you in the right place, a feller can get pretty exhausted. I mean you knowed how it is. NOT ONE KIDDO!
Well, sometimes when I think about how long "work" is, and how low I get to feeling, i think of YOU. You are the reason I keep going. When I lay at the bottom of that ball pit, covered red, green, blue, and orange balls, mixed with half eaten cheese burgers and diarrhea, my mind wizzos away to a far away play palace. One where unicorns have human babies and human babies get married to presidents of foreign neighborhoods watch associations. A place where a kid can just be a kid and kiss ANY PERSON, not limited to a "LEGAL AGE". I mean, think about it. For instance, I was always pretty good at maff class back in height-school. So now I am going to lay some linear algebra equations on you. If you think about how old babies are, and how close to not living they were before they was infected with the stuff found in tube socks back in the uberus, and you look how close to death old scrotum faces who buy adult diapers cause they dont like going potty in the toilet or bed LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, then you know that they is pretty much the same thing? AND if no one like to kiss old people and retards except the people in movies, then it just makes sense that there shouldn't be a legal age to kiss babies that ARENT YOURS! NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU RUN TO GET AWAY FROM THE PARENTS THAT ARE CHASING YOU CAUSE YOU ARE CARRYING THEIR BABY. and you shouldnt be arrested by the police for what I like to call "run kissing" with a baby neither. I mean COME ON AMERICA, Do the maff!
You know all this talk about dog penis reminds me of my Uncle Scrote. We called him uncle scrote cause he had the most funniest party trick ever. When we was kids he would lay on the bed, pull down his pants, stretch his scrotum over his belly button, and tell us he was pushing out a old baldy baby! We laffed and laffed! Eventually we got kicked out of mattress world. He was a good uncle, the kind where you could lend him a dollar and the next day he's let you smoke his butts if you didnt tell his wife he stayed home from work. She danced at a club called tubby's. She would always come home, find out that Uncle scrote didnt work, yell at him, and go up to her room to do her kagels. "Screw ping pong balls, one day I will shoot a bowling ball across the room", she would say. What a lady!
I bring up uncle scrote partly because of dog penis, partly because it was through him that I learned how "my precious" life really is and the true meaning of "doesnt every boy who finishes his dinner get desert?". Well, last week we found a note that said he was going to off himself Boner stabone style. Well, the police, or as pepper like to call them, "shit hide the drugs in my ass", called and said they found Uncle Scrote. He was in jail for exposing him self to mynors and using PCP. We'll pepper said, enuf is enuf, Uncle scrote is dead to us.
But I tol her, "WAIT A MINUTE, THE POLICE SAID HE WAS ALIVE, NOW YOU SAY HE'S DEAD?"
Pepper laffed, "no you fuck face retard, he is dead TO US." So there you go, i guess he died after all. This is probably another case of police brusetality.
I'll never forget him. He wased a good man. This reminds me of something someone once said. "Ok randall, now you try and stretch your scrotum over your belly button. Wait while I get my camera." That, and the words of the great prophet, yoda. Who once said, "if you really love something, let it go, and if it comes back... something ...something, dog penis." I think about that and it makes me laff. WHY WOULD A SCROTUM HEAD SAY THAT? Now that is funny! Too bad he wasnt liked as the character french stewart in the hilarious drama, "third rock from the sun".
Uncle Scrote, you will be misseded,
"thank you fo getting to know me over this media" -randall tuhchie
Friday, February 26, 2010
This house aint a home, unless it's condemned
Why hello there AOL,
It's me, Ramdall Tuhchie, your favoritest F@CKING PERVERT (what female sexual rentals you find in the back of the newspaper call you when you tell them to describe going potty in a cup). You know, sometimes when I am not thinking about the toilet hole (the non-potty-run-on-the-floor model, but a REAL hooked up one) is sorta like a doctor in that they both take away the bad things in life like potty and daddy love punches, then I am often wondering about this fascinating world in which we all live. And if you are like me, and look at the world through the particular lenses that I look through (tansitions stuck in sorta sunny mode), then you wonder why things in the world just dont make sense.
Let me diveded in a little further on what I mean. I have been thinking a lot about where I am in life, and where I plan to be when I am old and Goodwill smelly. I was bent over and leaning against the toilet (not the one where you wash your pee pee and brush your teeth but the low to the floor one), when the plumber started shoving his snake down the hole. He kept shoving and shoving it, all the while twisting and turning his knob, sweating and wiping his brow when he said, "ok, I hit something". He made a joke about how he wished his snake was this long, but I personally am offended by jokes about sex, and I didnt get it. I laffed and said "ha ha ha, buhginas are sooooooooooooo smelly". He must have thought my joke was so funny cause he tapped me on the shoulder, said "ok buddy, whatever you say" and let out a huge groan as he yanked his snake out of the toilet.
"ARRRRRGGGGGGGG
HMMMMMM
HEEEEEEEEEEEE
ALL... MOST... GOTIT........
HERE IT COMES......
......
..
....
....
....
..
...
..
...
Mmmmmmmmuuuuuhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
huh huh huh huh huh... huhOLY SHIT MAN? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" he yelled.
Tears poured out my eye holes, it was my kitty radish!!!! “Oh radish, you F@CKING SH!TFACE(term of endearment), pepper said you raned away!” Well, pepper is a liar. All this time, I put up posters all around town saying “looking for a good pussy, call pepper” and only asthmatics kept calling. All this time, pepper knewed where she was.
The plumber looked at me and said, “Sir, as it stands now, this house should be condemned”.
I looked at him with big tears in my eye holes and said, “This House? THIS HOUSE? No, No, No, Sir… this HOME should be condemned.”
“Thank you for getting to know me over this media” - Randall Tuhchie
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Vote Nes on Measure 66/67
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Halloween Recap!
I said, "You had me at..." cause i didnt get to finish my sentance. Bummer too, cause I was gettin really wet (slang for getting ready to kiss under the slanket). JUST THEN, a fellow inmate threw a toilet seat over the guards head. WFT? I knew that people were getting ready to kiss and all, but the party got out of hand when they played this air siren to break up the dance party. Well well well, I'll have you know that I didnt want to leave the jail party so soon, but my cellmate, Uncle Chewey said, "Randy, we got to get the F8CK out of here."
I knewed it, MY PAINTING OF FREDERIC ULRICH'S PIG'S, was just the thing to get me out of jail on good behavior because before I knewed it Uncle Chewey grabbed me and said, "we're getting out of here". You know, a lot of people criticize american jails, but I tell you that only in america can a rapist of elderly women, waiting to be sentenced to prison can get out through a hole cut in the fence on good behavior. I mean, talk about reform.
Chewey said he needed to find a late 80's delta 88, cause that was the easiest to hot-wire (slang for streaming internet radio). We'll we found his car but I guess he forgot his keys cause one fell swoop of his gigantic gang tattooed forearm and the window busted into a million pieces. "We'll" I said, "That's one way to make an enterence". He chucked and said "shut up fag, get in the car".
We'll we drove for a while until we started seeing all these little kids in all these sexy costumes walking around. Sexy Hannah Montanna's, sexy mummies, sexy ghouls and goats. I knewed it! IT WAS HALLOWEEN! Quick I said, "turn around". Chewey said, "you're the boss", and I said "Ha, TONY DANZA!" and before I knewed it, my head was smashed up against the wall as the delta 88 was turning on a dime and hitting all these little manequines standing in the road. GREAT HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS. LITTLE GHOULS AND GOATS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD? I LOVE HALLOWEEN. I calmed myself and told Chewey about my sister pepper's halloween party at my grandma's. Chewey must have an itch on his inner thy cause he started scratching it for about 10 minutes while saying "mmmmm yeah. Been in the jail too long".
We'll needless to say that thanks to the american jail that didnt ask for our clothes back, we had halloween costumes!
It was around dusk when we got to gramdma's party. We showed up and everyone loved our costumes. Pepper told me, "randall, what the fuck are you doing here". I said to her, "Hold the potty, potati. I got off on good behavior for painting a mural of Fredrick's pig farm." She laffed and said randall, THAT WAS YOU? I said to her, "you got a thing against rent-a-center art?" She laffed again and said, "you was always the artist in the family". She also explained to me that for reasons I would not understand, "I had to lay low", (slang for crab walking) "for a while". I said ok and started crab walking to the potty. I had to go real bad, so I opened the door from the ground with my foot and saw grandma going potty". She yelled out, "someone's in here sweety, I'll be just a minute". I said, "cool your jets, ciggarettes, I'll use pepper's potty".
So I crabwalked down the hall and kicked open peppers potty. Man, some women have too many things. There was all this make-up and hair brushes, and pepper's baby, EVERYWHERE! So being that it was halloween, I started putting on pepper's clothes and he underwear, and her make up and put the baby under the sink. I noticed an envelope called "mamogram" and in it was an x-ray vision photo of a pepper's boob. We'll after I washed my hands, I tried to incorperate it into my costume, but just couldnt figure out how to. Well, the next thing I know, the doorbell rings and from out the window I can see a whole gang of police man costumes flashing their lights all up and down the yard. Taking pepper's advice (crab-walking) and my desire to actually have a good costume this year, I crabwalked over to her room and grabbed a white sheet (except for red stain) and threw it over me. I peeped out one of the man holes and guided myself out into the living room where the police costumes had drawn their squirt guns on Uncle Chewey. I shouted, "dont take chewey away" (jokingly) and pepper told me to "be quiet". So sitting there in the crab walking position, I watched the police costumes and chewey act out a fight scene. Oh man, they must have been training for such a long time for this scene. Well, they eventually wrestled him to the ground.
As they acted out a great scene in where chewey was taken away by the police costumes, one of them turned to me and said, "cute kid, I'm sorry you had to see this little buddy." He reached into his pocket and handed be a blowpop. i said "YUMMY".
After a few days, pepper tol me i could come out of the pantry and that it was ok if I wanted to crash at her friends place. i said sure, "BUT WHO IS GUNNA FEED MY KITTY RADISH?" She said, randall, it's ok, we got you covered.
So as i looked into her eyes i thought, jeez world, with all the problems facing health care, funemployment, and other thinngs growed-up talk about on aol, it's nice to know that the america in that house, that night, was stronger than Uncle Chewey's grip on his fake blood pouch squirting out of his chest.
"thank you for getting to know me over this media" -randall tuhchie
Friday, October 9, 2009
What is kids into these days?
Friday, September 25, 2009
HELLO Future AOL ME
this is important because the ketchup packets should be worth millions of billions of dollars, since there will be a ketchup shortage in the future.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Another Day Another Doll Hair (Target) and Family Matters
Monday, September 14, 2009
Where have I been and FALL FASHION GUIDE!!!!!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wayne Garcia anagrams, I luv U
- ARCANA YE WIG
- RACEWAY GAIN
- RACEWAY GINA
- GARCIA WAYNE
- GARCIA AWN YE
- GARCIA WAN YE
- GARCIA NAY WE
- GARCIA ANY WE
- CRANIA WAG YE
- CRANIA GAY WE
- CRANIA AGY WE
- NCAA AGE WIRY
- NCAA YEAR WIG
- NCAA GRAY WEI
- NCAA GARY WEI
- NCAA GAY WIRE
- NCAA GAY WEIR
- NCAA GAY WIER
- NCAA AGY WIRE
- NCAA AGY WEIR
- NCAA AGY WIER
- EAGAN CIA WRY
- EAGAN WAR ICY
- EAGAN RAW ICY
- ARENA WAG ICY
- AREA CIA GWYN
- AREA YWCA GIN
- AREA GNAW ICY
- AREA WANG ICY
- AWARE NAG ICY
- AGAIN ACE WRY
- AGAIN CRAW YE
- AGAIN RACY WE
- AGAIN CAW RYE
- AGAIN WAC RYE
- AGAIN AWE CRY
- AGWAY CARE IN
- AGWAY ACRE IN
- AGWAY RACE IN
- AGWAY CAN IRE
- AGWAY AN RICE
- AGWAY AN ERIC
- AGWAY RAN ICE
- ANA CAGE WIRY
- ANA CAREY WIG
- ANA ARC YE WIG
- ANA CAR YE WIG
- ANA RCA YE WIG
- ANA CAW YE RIG
- ANA WAC YE RIG
- ANA RAG ICY WE
- AWAY ACE RING
- AWAY ACE GRIN
- AWAY GRECIAN
- AWAY GRACE IN
- AWAY CANE RIG
- AWAY CARE GIN
- AWAY ACRE GIN
- AWAY RACE GIN
- AWAY INCA ERG
- AWAY CAIN ERG
- AWAY RICA ENG
- AWAY NAG RICE
- AWAY NAG ERIC
- AWAY RANG ICE
- AWAY RAG NICE
- ACE GAIN WARY
- ACE GAIN AWRY
- ACE GINA WARY
- ACE GINA AWRY
- ACE GRAIN YAW
- ACE GRAIN WAY
- ACE RIGA YAWN
- ACE GNAW AIRY
- ACE WANG AIRY
- ACE RAG YAW IN
- ACE RAG WAY IN
- ACE WAG RAINY
- ACE WAG RAY IN
- ACE GAY WAR IN
- ACE GAY RAW IN
- ACE AGY WAR IN
- ACE AGY RAW IN
- ACE AN RAY WIG
- ACE AN YAW RIG
- ACE AN WAY RIG
- CAGE NAIR YAW
- CAGE NAIR WAY
- CAGE IRAN YAW
- CAGE IRAN WAY
- CAGE RAIN YAW
- CAGE RAIN WAY
- CAGE IRA YAWN
- CAGE AIR YAWN
- CAGE AIRY AWN
- CAGE AIRY WAN
- CAGEY IRA AWN
- CAGEY IRA WAN
- CAGEY AIR AWN
- CAGEY AIR WAN
- CAINE RAG YAW
- CAINE RAG WAY
- CAINE WAG RAY
- CAINE GAY WAR
- CAINE GAY RAW
- CAINE AGY WAR
- CAINE AGY RAW
- CANE RIGA YAW
- CANE RIGA WAY
- CANE WAG AIRY
- CARE GAIN YAW
- CARE GAIN WAY
- CARE GINA YAW
- CARE GINA WAY
- ACRE GAIN YAW
- ACRE GAIN WAY
- ACRE GINA YAW
- ACRE GINA WAY
- RACE GAIN YAW
- RACE GAIN WAY
- RACE GINA YAW
- RACE GINA WAY
- CIGAR AWE NAY
- CIGAR AWE ANY
- CIGAR AYE AWN
- CIGAR AYE WAN
- CIGAR YEA AWN
- CIGAR YEA WAN
- CRAIG AWE NAY
- CRAIG AWE ANY
- CRAIG AYE AWN
- CRAIG AYE WAN
- CRAIG YEA AWN
- CRAIG YEA WAN
- CIA AGE AN WRY
- CIA EGAN WARY
- CIA EGAN AWRY
- CIA RANGE YAW
- CIA RANGE WAY
- CIA ANGER YAW
- CIA ANGER WAY
- CIA AGNEW RAY
- CIA RAGE YAWN
- CIA GEAR YAWN
- CIA WAGE NARY
- CIA WAGE RYAN
- CIA WAGE YARN
- CIA YEARN WAG
- CIA ANEW GRAY
- CIA ANEW GARY
- CIA WANE GRAY
- CIA WANE GARY
- CIA WEAN GRAY
- CIA WEAN GARY
- CIA WAYNE RAG
- CIA WEAR NAGY
- CIA WEAR YANG
- CIA WARE NAGY
- CIA WARE YANG
- CIA WEARY NAG
- CIA YEAR GNAW
- CIA YEAR WANG
- CIA AWE RANGY
- CIA AWE ANGRY
- CIA NAG WAR YE
- CIA NAG RAW YE
- CIA NAG RAY WE
- CIA RAG AWN YE
- CIA RAG WAN YE
- CIA RAG NAY WE
- CIA RAG ANY WE
- CIA GRAY AN WE
- CIA GARY AN WE
- CIA WAG AN RYE
- CIA WAG RAN YE
- CIA GAY RAN WE
- CIA AGY RAN WE
- CIA AN YAW ERG
- CIA AN WAY ERG
- INCA AGE WARY
- INCA AGE AWRY
- INCA RAGE YAW
- INCA RAGE WAY
- INCA GEAR YAW
- INCA GEAR WAY
- INCA WAGE RAY
- INCA WEAR GAY
- INCA WEAR AGY
- INCA WARE GAY
- INCA WARE AGY
- INCA YEAR WAG
- INCA AWE GRAY
- INCA AWE GARY
- CAIN AGE WARY
- CAIN AGE AWRY
- CAIN RAGE YAW
- CAIN RAGE WAY
- CAIN GEAR YAW
- CAIN GEAR WAY
- CAIN WAGE RAY
- CAIN WEAR GAY
- CAIN WEAR AGY
- CAIN WARE GAY
- CAIN WARE AGY
- CAIN YEAR WAG
- CAIN AWE GRAY
- CAIN AWE GARY
- CAIRN AGE YAW
- CAIRN AGE WAY
- CAIRN AWE GAY
- CAIRN AWE AGY
- CAIRN AYE WAG
- CAIRN YEA WAG
- RICA AGE YAWN
- RICA EGAN YAW
- RICA EGAN WAY
- RICA WAGE NAY
- RICA WAGE ANY
- RICA ANEW GAY
- RICA ANEW AGY
- RICA WANE GAY
- RICA WANE AGY
- RICA WEAN GAY
- RICA WEAN AGY
- RICA AWE NAGY
- RICA AWE YANG
- RICA AYE GNAW
- RICA AYE WANG
- RICA YEA GNAW
- RICA YEA WANG
- RICA WAG AN YE
- RICA GAY AN WE
- RICA AGY AN WE
- CAN WAGE AIRY
- CAN WAG IRA YE
- CAN WAG AIR YE
- CAN GAY IRA WE
- CAN GAY AIR WE
- CAN AGY IRA WE
- CAN AGY AIR WE
- ARC AGE YAW IN
- ARC AGE WAY IN
- ARC ANGIE YAW
- ARC ANGIE WAY
- ARC AWE GAY IN
- ARC AWE AGY IN
- ARC AYE WAG IN
- ARC AYE AN WIG
- ARC YEA WAG IN
- ARC YEA AN WIG
- ARC GAY AN WEI
- ARC AGY AN WEI
- CAR AGE YAW IN
- CAR AGE WAY IN
- CAR ANGIE YAW
- CAR ANGIE WAY
- CAR AWE GAY IN
- CAR AWE AGY IN
- CAR AYE WAG IN
- CAR AYE AN WIG
- CAR YEA WAG IN
- CAR YEA AN WIG
- CAR GAY AN WEI
- CAR AGY AN WEI
- RCA AGE YAW IN
- RCA AGE WAY IN
- RCA ANGIE YAW
- RCA ANGIE WAY
- RCA AWE GAY IN
- RCA AWE AGY IN
- RCA AYE WAG IN
- RCA AYE AN WIG
- RCA YEA WAG IN
- RCA YEA AN WIG
- RCA GAY AN WEI
- RCA AGY AN WEI
- CRAW AYE GAIN
- CRAW AYE GINA
- CRAW YEA GAIN
- CRAW YEA GINA
- RACY AWE GAIN
- RACY AWE GINA
- CAW AGE RAINY
- CAW AGE RAY IN
- CAW ANGIE RAY
- CAW EGAN AIRY
- CAW ERA GAY IN
- CAW ERA AGY IN
- CAW RAE GAY IN
- CAW RAE AGY IN
- CAW ARE GAY IN
- CAW ARE AGY IN
- CAW EAR GAY IN
- CAW EAR AGY IN
- CAW YEAR GAIN
- CAW YEAR GINA
- CAW AYE GRAIN
- CAW AYE RAG IN
- CAW AYE AN RIG
- CAW YEA GRAIN
- CAW YEA RAG IN
- CAW YEA AN RIG
- CAW RIGA AN YE
- CAW NAG IRA YE
- CAW NAG AIR YE
- CAW GAY AN IRE
- CAW AGY AN IRE
- WAC AGE RAINY
- WAC AGE RAY IN
- WAC ANGIE RAY
- WAC EGAN AIRY
- WAC ERA GAY IN
- WAC ERA AGY IN
- WAC RAE GAY IN
- WAC RAE AGY IN
- WAC ARE GAY IN
- WAC ARE AGY IN
- WAC EAR GAY IN
- WAC EAR AGY IN
- WAC YEAR GAIN
- WAC YEAR GINA
- WAC AYE GRAIN
- WAC AYE RAG IN
- WAC AYE AN RIG
- WAC YEA GRAIN
- WAC YEA RAG IN
- WAC YEA AN RIG
- WAC RIGA AN YE
- WAC NAG IRA YE
- WAC NAG AIR YE
- WAC GAY AN IRE
- WAC AGY AN IRE
- YWCA AGE NAIR
- YWCA AGE IRAN
- YWCA AGE RAIN
- YWCA EGAN IRA
- YWCA EGAN AIR
- YWCA ERA GAIN
- YWCA ERA GINA
- YWCA RAE GAIN
- YWCA RAE GINA
- YWCA ARE GAIN
- YWCA ARE GINA
- YWCA EAR GAIN
- YWCA EAR GINA
- AGE AN WAR ICY
- AGE AN RAW ICY
- ERA WAG AN ICY
- RAE WAG AN ICY
- ARE WAG AN ICY
- EAR WAG AN ICY
- AWE RAG AN ICY
- RAG AN YAW ICE
- RAG AN WAY ICE
- WAG AN RAY ICE
- GAY AN WAR ICE
- GAY AN RAW ICE
- AGY AN WAR ICE
- AGY AN RAW ICE
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
250 million and a chance at not being on meth
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Beautiful People have such hard times in life
Anyway, like I was saying I have been so busy cleaning up potty in the ball pit and rinsing out the rags in the some bucket labeled milkshakes(sp?), but the worst of all has been dealing with the some of the employees? Why is it that only beautiful ladies work at hardees? I mean, I walked in there te first day and I could hardly believe my one non-pink eye. It was like I had died an gone to heavens gate.
Now I know hat you think old randall is a lady charmer, but I have to disagree with that thought only because most women ugly or not whisper things to me like, "hey randall, some kid pooped in the urinal" or "Jesus Randall, use a rag in the urinal." When I try to talk back to them, they walk away or tell me to get out of the bushes and put my hands behind my head and lay on the ground (hard to get).
What's really weird about working at a place with some many beautiful women like hardees is that most of these people want to hang out with me Randall Tuhchie. Take, for instant, the hotty pictured above, Chris. What a looker. and you know what AOL? That lady and I did something that I only imagined my parents doing in the kitchen when I'm hiding in the pantry. She made randall into the man you see type before you. Now it's true that I had others before, but none that knewed a man's body so well. Now i know what your thinking and it's not just some wham bam thank you man thing kind of night... she really likes me too. Which is good cause with all these empty mcdonalds bags around the house, this place could really use a woman's touch. Now, being the gentleman I am, I dont kiss and tell without telling you from the beginning how I caught this sexual trout (slang for "hotty with a body").
Two days ago, I went in for my orientation, learning how to make what my manager calls the perfect "bacon ranch fries", when Chris, who was taking out the old fry grease 55 gallon barrel with one arm asked me if I could open the door for her. Well, before I could even say, "you are so sensual..." she kicked open the back door herself with a steel toed Doc Martin and said ever so sweetly, "you deaf you fucking retard?" I tell you what AOL, shakespear himself couldnt has written cliff notes better. My heart raced and I knewed that this troll face (slang for person who waits under bridges to steal someone's heart. i.e. homeless killer). "Well", I thought to myself, "heaven must be sad tonight cause this angel has certainly taken a rascall down the love elevator and into my heart". For the second I saw her, i knewed she would be mine.
My boss Skippy, some teenage punk who spends most of his time on his nokia blabbing about how he promises his GF that he will remove his work clothes before he gets into bed (as to not transfer the Au Jus smell onto the day bed), was fixing up a mean batch of chili for the chilie cheese burger. Well, he told Chris to "go watch over the new retard" (must be some handicapped to work program), and before I knewed it, Chris was helping me fill the ketchup bottles. Oh man, the way her veiney palms clutched the ketchup squeeze bottles made me thirst for a tall drink of chris. well, AOL, I knew I had only seconds to act, so I remembered what my dad said to me as a you boy and asked Chris on a date. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "how much for a BJ(Beautiful Jaunt, possibly through a park or bowling alley)"? Well, she looked at me, raised a half inch thick eyebrow and said, "meet me after work at your place".
My gosh, my heart raced, for one fleeting second as she turned her thick V-shaped upper torso around I felt a wash over me of complete bliss. It was only rudely interupted by Skippy asking my to go hydrate more onions for the six dollar thick burger. The world might be calling my my hands to work for a $7.40 and hour, but my mind, my body, and my soul were given up to Chris. Beautiful, Beautiful, Chris. She was like a burlap sack of Anacondas, writhing under her yellow and red smock. She had won over my Hardees Thick Burger (slang for heart), for sure.
I watched the clock in anticipation and as soon as 11:00pm, I threw down my tray of burgers to be tured into chilli for tomorrow and ran out the door. Skippy yeled something about being flyered, but i payed no attention to it as I grabbed my BMX bike and raced home.
I had no sooner lit some candels, flushed the toilet, and set up my playststion (resident evil), when the doorbell rang. It was Chris, and boy was she looking hot in her red and yellow smock and ranch french fry perfume.
"mmmm" I said, "I want to serve you on the dollar menu all week."
She giggled, "punch me in the shoulder" (ouch) and walked inside.
We sat on the carpet remnetns as I unpaused resident evil (know all the hidden object) when I went for the gold and tried to smooch her. She tenderly placed a hairy palm on my face and said the sweetest things I have ever heard a woman say to another human, "hey buddy, cash first". I know she makes more than me at Hardees, but I assume she just wanted some cash for gas, like any fine lady would. I opened up my hello kitty wallet and grabbed the six dollars and mountain dew "buy one get one free" cap I had won earlier in the week. Well, my act of kindness must have paid off because not more than 30 seconds after letting out a big sigh, she was showing me something she called her "9 inch clitortise". Well, this is the part, i will leave up to you AOL, but I must say, she really knew how to treat a man.
3 minutes later I didnt have a care in the world, for I knew that Chris (hotty) and my Peach mango snapple were all I needed at that moment.
Then it hit me, i knew I had to ask, "chris", I said, "why is all the beautiful people in the world have such a hard life". She giggled, punched my in the arm (broken) and said, "randall, you got a lot to lean about life".
She was right, i did have a lot to learn. After she drove her 4X4 with gun rack home, I thought to myself, "I do, I do have a lot to learn". I, randall tuhchie do have a lot to learn about life, women, work, and AOL friends. That's where you cme in. As I learn all about life, I am going to share it with love. For now i leave you with Chris' last words to me, "Randall, is that cat dead?"
Aol, i ask you... "is it"?
"thank you for getting to know me over this media" -randall tuhchie